Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
