got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
