she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
