somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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