How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize