you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
