Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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