My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
