oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
