My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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