i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
