i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
