I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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