going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
