dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
