he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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