is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
