apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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