im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
