Need sex. Gaining weight.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
