Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
