Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
