what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
