That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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