apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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