You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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