She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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