I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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