Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
