if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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