you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
