decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
