im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
