3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
