Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
