butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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