your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I want to make a zoo with you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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