She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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