Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
