She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
