ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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