I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Acid is not a monday night drug
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
