it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
