I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
