A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My cat gives me a boner
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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