Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
