are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
