Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize