i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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