I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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