That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
