Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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