just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
