Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
