last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize