i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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