you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
