Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize