I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
