By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
