he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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