She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
