pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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