Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
