I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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