meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
