Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
