There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You are a genius and a whore.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
