We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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