Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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