I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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