I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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