i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
