I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
